I had a conversation with a 6 year old this morning. "Today is Grandaddy's birthday," I said. "How old is he," she asked. My response was halted, then I winged it...."In Heaven you can be whatever age you want to be on your birthday. How old do you think he wants to be today?" She replied, "78." I laughed inside, but I didn't want to discount whatever logic had led her to the assumption that Bill would want to be 78. However, it got me thinking. If he were 78 he would be able to see James. Jack would be old enough to recognize him readily and call him by name. John would be able to call him today and talk about why our grass is burning up out of control. I could have a million tiny conversations with him that I wish I would have had before he died. Seventy-eight might not be too bad. I miss him. I miss several things about him. We have been watching old home videos lately. Videos from John and Gini's childhood when Bill was youthful and healthy. I see John ALL over him!! The resemblance is in the small gestures. A wince, squint, smile, or grin. I never noticed how similar they were. They even move the same. I remember watching Mary hug John the night Bill died...."You feel like him," she said. I hope so. I hope that my children will know their Grandaddy through their Daddy. That being said...I decided that we should have a birthday party for Grandaddy today. Why only remember the day a person dies? It's sad, depressing, and final. Let's celebrate that Grandaddy can be whatever age he wants, participate in whatever activity he wants, and we can love him like he's alive. I worried briefly that this might confuse Victoria or make her sad. My fears subsided when she selected a strawberry cake with pink, blue, and white icing with sprinkles for "his" birthday cake. Ahhh childhood. Below are a few pictures of how we celebrated. Bill's favorite flowers were yellow roses, but we had to get some with just a touch of pink to match his cake. Victoria made him a card, and we bought a few balloons. My children will probably never remember the times they had with Bill, but we will always remind them that he was their Grandaddy. He loved them immensely. We love and miss him immensely, and there now exists a void that will never be filled by time or circumstance. I love you Bill and Happy Birthday. This is how I felt.
VB and Jack Decorating
Grandaddy's Cake
2 comments:
Thank you Jill. This has been a difficult day but after reading your blog and crying again I wished I had been there to enjoy the moment. What a great idea. Bill was a special man and I miss him too. He always tried to play down his birthday but I think he really liked us making a fuss about it. I love you and all you do for my grandchildren.
Your gift of words truly amazes me! You have so many gifts and I could not even name them all! Your family is so blessed to have you! Bill would be so proud of you and I am sure he is so thankful to have you raising his precious grandsons! Your devotion to keeping Bill's memory alive is truly special! Don't ever stop writing! I love to read your thoughts! I am honored to be your friend! THIS IS HOW I FELT!
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