You're doing a good job...

For the last few weeks I have been participating in a bible study for moms. It focuses on disciplining your children the way God would have you do it. I've thoroughly enjoyed being able to see what scripture has to say about balancing disciplining my children with encouraging/loving them. I feel like a total basket case sometimes, because I seem to end up in tears during or after the meetings. It just feels like a release to hear so many moms struggling, learning, and growing in the same stage of life as me. I carry immense loads of guilt and worry over the way I'm parenting the boys (specifically Jack). He is so strong-willed, and too smart for his own good, so I worry about being so hard on him that I break his spirit/confidence. Yet, if I allow him much freedom at all, he will run me over like a Mack truck! I have been learning so much about turning over my parenting, specifically my discipline, to the Lord.

The key things that have affected me the most, and I feel have influenced Jack the most, are:
1. Recognizing that since ALL humans are sinners and ultimately steered by selfishness and free will, OBVIOUSLY children possess these same tendencies. I shy away from referring to my children as evil, but they were born imperfect and in need of Christ. From birth it is my responsibility to pray for them and for God's direction in their lives. For now, I am to be that example of Him....isn't that a heavy burden?!

2. Realizing that it's okay to expose my failures and weaknesses to Jack. Countless times in the last few weeks I have lost my temper with him and behaved like a child myself. One of the women in my group shared that during her child's two-year-old years she used to pray with her child for forgiveness and also freely apologize to the child for these outbursts. Immediately I felt vulnerable. Jack would see my weakness and prey on it. I'm 'supposed' to maintain the authority figure in his life, and I should never apologize and expose that I'm wrong....right?? Wrong. It's such a teaching opportunity for Jack to see that parents make mistakes too, and it's okay to ask for forgiveness and fix the behavior. Every morning we have been praying together asking God for Mommy's patience and Jack's obedience. When I lose my temper we tell God that I'm sorry for getting angry and ask him to help me be kind and gentle. It's been convicting for me...when I lost my temper with him yesterday he said, "I know you're angry. It's okay Mommy. Want to pray to God?" Seriously?!?! How does he have so much understanding already? It has to be the Lord.

3. Mothers DESPERATELY need encouragement and recognition that they are doing a good job. We all need a gold star on our chart. It melts my heart when someone tells me that I have beautiful kids or that they are well behaved. I could be having the most bummer mommy day of all time, and just the simple words from my mom, "You're a good Mommy" are so uplifting. I'm most often inclined to return compliments with self deprecation...."you should see how he acts at home" or "well he's got you fooled", etc. Instead I am now choosing to accept those words of affirmation and try to dispense them to others myself. I've made a conscious effort to stop women in public and tell them something complimentary about their child. It's so rewarding to watch their faces light up, or even better, seem puzzled. Often the reply is "really, you think so?" How telling!! If we as mothers don't have confidence and delight in our kids, where are they going to get it from?? We need to encourage each other so that we can encourage our kids. I know my boys can be total heathens, but they are genuinely good and sweet inside. It means the world to me if others can see that and acknowledge it. God is challenging us to see the good in our kids and in others' kids....especially the hard-to-love ones. If we can build each other up and stand firm on our faith in Christ, we just might survive this thing called toddlerhood.

Now, go ahead, aren't they precious??????? Haha!! This is how I felt.