I'm not ready

I'm not ready, but am I already being forced to let go? I learned this lesson a thousand times while I was pregnant, but I'm not ready for it again. The last time God taught me to let go....I was nine months pregnant. I was on my knees on the floor of the bathroom in the hospital....sobbing....praying...begging God to allow Jack to survive pregnancy and labor. I was petrified that something would happen to him, and after all of the time being pregnant and loving him I would lose him. Some call it an irrational fear, but it was real to me. I had done everything I could to have a healthy pregnancy, but I had to let go. It was out of my hands. God was in control, and I trusted. I trusted that no matter how much I love this angel of mine, God loves him more. I'm here again. Knots in my stomach, lump in my throat, the heat of tears in my eyes....if I only blink they will fall. Blink. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to place him into the care of someone I don't know. I'm not ready to let their rules be his guide. I'm not ready to wonder if he's crying and not being comforted. I can see his precious eyes now....curious....where is my mommy? Blink. Maybe I'm dramatic, maybe I'm normal. All I know is I'm not ready, but maybe God is wanting me to let go again. I will be letting go for the rest of his life, but does it have to be now? Blink. This is how I felt.