This little life...

This little life. Tomorrow I start the process of bringing this little life into the world, but this evening I'm cherishing the feeling inside my body. It's almost impossible to wrap my mind around the truth that the baby that I will kiss and hold in my arms in a few short hours is the same baby that now nudges and squirms in my womb. God got it right. Love for a child begins before birth. I love James now. I know my heart will swell and burst a thousand times once I can actually see his face, but even now I love him. I pray only that I have nurtured him well. I pray that he will arrive safely and without insult. My heart bleeds at the stress that he has already been forced to endure. Tragedy, illness, loss, anger, discomfort, and sorrow. He has experienced all of these things through me. It's proof that human life is tainted from the start. As much as I'd love to believe that he is pure, his soul already needs God's grace. I pray that John and I can show him how to receive it. I pray that he will learn it from his brother who already shows a modest understanding as he gently folds his hands to say his prayers. Lord, how I love my children....Lord, how I know you love them more! I trust the Lord, and therefore I should have no fear...but I am afraid. I am more afraid than I was with Jack. I fear small things pertaining to the division of my love. Will Jack feel betrayed? Will James feel shorted? I fear large things related to my health and the delivery. Would my children ever know how truly, deeply, and completely I love them. God please place your hands over our family. Thank you for providing me with a ROCK of a companion. Thank you that I can rest assured that he will never leave my side. We will embark on this journey hand in hand, united in you. Thank you that I love him more at this moment than I could have ever imagined when we devoted our lives to each other. Thank you that he actively, lovingly, free-willingly guides this family and fathers our child. Jack and James could not have a better role model for their lives. Cover us with your peace tonight. Bless our marriage. Bless our children's brotherhood. Bless this little life that you already have planned out. This is how I felt.