Ode to 2008

Ohhhh, where to begin. I huff and sigh, moan and whine, giggle and cry when I reminisce on 2008. This was one of those years that will never be forgotten. I would imagine that in the course of one's life there are years that fade into dull obscurity, if not forgotten all together. However, this was not one of those years. This year was jam-packed full of life altering events in our family; from the birth of a child to the death of a father. The year began with a jumbled mess of emotions. I was pregnant with sweet James, but we were losing Bill. Never did such joy and sorrow meet. We continue to grieve and cope with loss. Some days are better than others. Some days just....are. I enjoy the times when we can talk freely about him and remember the insignificant details that now seem so significant. I love watching old home videos from John and Gini's childhood and seeing how similarly Bill and John's movements are. I love how I continue to find Bill on a day-to-day basis in different ways. I see his genetics when I look at sweet baby James' ears. I see his diligence when I watch John complete home projects. I can almost hear his laughter when I make clumsy fool-headed mistakes. Oh how he loved to laugh at me. I sense his tenderness when I hold the boys and imagine what he would say if he could see them now. I find peace in knowing that he is in the company of angels. Christmas Eve was almost completely about him to me this year. I bawled my way through the service as each hymn seemed to release a suppressed pain. I wanted him there....for John, for the boys, for me. I miss the normalcy that existed with his presence. Then I heard it...the line that changed it all. Nestled within the verses of O Come All Ye Faithful there is a small but significant line..."O sing all ye citizens of Heaven above." As I sang, I pictured Bill as a citizen of Heaven. What must his Christmas have looked like this year??? In the presence of the Most High on His birthday...wow. I felt no pain after that moment; only anticipation for the day that I would be there too.

I have always assumed that after a hard knock you should be allowed time to regroup, but unfortunately life is not that merciful. The river keeps flowing, and the current never stops fighting to pull you under. How blessed we are to have the mighty raft of Christ to aide us in our struggles. Without Him, this year would have been unbearable. As it is, He has been ever present and ultimately victorious. Baby James birth tops the list of His greatest blessings to our family. He is a true joy and arguably the easiest baby on earth. We are blessed beyond measure to watch him grow, develop, and interact with his brother. Not to mention that I finally got a baby that looks just like me! I have a theory that James is so laid back, because my pregnancy was so filled with drama and turmoil. He has known from the womb how crazy this world is and now he's just trying not to tick anybody off!

Among those wild events that occurred during my pregnancy was a car accident witnessed by John and myself on our way home from Ft. Worth this summer. It was truly life altering to be face-to-face with what carelessness and recklessness are capable of. The accident involved a young couple, an out of control gentleman, and an 18-wheeler. We arrived on the scene mere moments after the collision, and the mental images that remain are crippling. It is surreal to look back now and know that I was trying to comfort a man that I thought was dying, only to find that he survived but not his wife. The couple was separated by death as Meagan Grace lost her life that day. I continue to pray for their family. How often we travel through life in a seemingly invincible bubble, and how quickly that facade can be shattered when confronted with the reality of tragedy. I held my "Bunch" extra close that day, and today.

My Bunch...what can I say? Having just celebrated our 5th anniversary I can honestly say that I am more deeply in love and more hopelessly devoted to you than ever before. I depend on you, but I am more independent because of you. I would laugh with you before anyone else, and on no other shoulder would I rather drop my tears. I am awe struck by your intelligence, but dumbfounded by your absurdity. I am yours forever, and you can't get rid of me!!

As I close, I wish I could find one solid phrase to sum up the year. However, I can't narrow it down, so I've selected a few. They encompass the lessons and experiences that have shaped 2008 for me. May God bless us and keep us in 2009!! This is how I felt.

Make 2009 divine because, if you're worried about 2008...you're too late.

Revelation 21:3-6 "He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.’ And the one who was seated on the throne said, ‘See, I am making all things new.’"

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland